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Question about coaching Empty Question about coaching

Post by humantaxi on 05/02/16, 11:52 am

Question for y'all.....

If your DD was playing for a team with a great record, and teammates who pushed your DD to play harder would you....

Overlook the fact that YOUR child is the only one not invited to play in tournaments (and guest players are invited)

Overlook the fact that smaller faster kids get more play when your DD who isn't as fast BUT has great balls skills, beautiful passes, finds space and is great at assisting with scoring doesn't.....

I feel like I am realistic about my DD's ability. I am having a hard time because (1) She wants to stay and (2) it seems like North Texas promotes this idea that if you're fast and athletic that's all you need. What about winning a 1v1 or dribbling, or passing.... receiving a ball? Understanding the game....?

I feel like I might be in the twilight zone. Does anyone else feel this way?

It is worth mentioning....the coach has wonderful things to say about my DD when pressed.... and my DD has always been a top player on previous teams

Thinking about quitting club soccer all together....


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Post by lovemykeeper on 05/02/16, 12:07 pm

Hello, humantaxi
I am very new to all of this, this being my dd's first year of club ball, and only have any experience w older teams but I am a little confused by being "invited" to play in a tournament for a team that your dd is on the roster of. Isn't being a rostered member of the team an assumption that she will participate in the tournament?... Maybe this is an Academy vs Select age group thing?
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Post by humantaxi on 05/02/16, 12:22 pm

lovemykeeper....YES! That is my point. I only find out about the team playing in one from other parents at practice.

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Post by lovemykeeper on 05/02/16, 12:34 pm

Wow... That seems pretty crazy to me. I think I would have a conversation with Coach and just see if you can figure out why you aren't hearing about them and figure out if this issue is intentional. But if it is, I think I would be team shopping... I know your dd won't be happy about that initially because this is what she knows and is comfortable with but if you are patient with her, I think she would come to love a new team as well, especially if she is more appreciated there. But I don't want to discount the possibility that there may be some kind of unintentional oversight?...
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Post by ballhead on 05/02/16, 12:41 pm

humantaxi wrote: Question for y'all.....

If your DD was playing for a team with a great record, and  teammates who pushed your DD to play harder would you....

Overlook the fact that YOUR child is the only one not invited to play in tournaments (and guest players are invited)

Overlook the fact that smaller faster kids get more play when your DD who isn't as fast BUT has great balls skills, beautiful passes, finds space and is great at assisting with scoring doesn't.....

I feel like I am realistic about my DD's ability. I am having a hard time because (1) She wants to stay and (2) it seems like North Texas promotes this idea that if you're fast and athletic that's all you need. What about winning a 1v1 or dribbling, or passing.... receiving a ball?   Understanding the game....?

I feel like I might be in the twilight zone. Does anyone else feel this way?

It is worth mentioning....the coach has wonderful things to say about my DD when pressed.... and my DD has always been a top player on previous teams

Thinking about quitting club soccer all together....


I would suggest you might get better information if you asked the coach why she isn't being included.  Then take that information and make your decision.  Frankly it doesn't seem as if your dd is considered a key part of the team's plans.  Were I in your position, I don't think I would find the situation acceptable.

My guess is that he's trying out players for the future, and he's up against roster limits, and someone can't go.  The fact that it's often your dd would probably be enough info for me to make a decision.
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Post by Whodatbrah on 05/02/16, 12:57 pm

Humantaxi - I would go look for another club, with an inclusive coach. If your DD is rostered, then she should be included in tournaments as part of her skills development. A lot of "less inclusive" coaches look for paycheck players, and then backfill rosters to ensure victories and success (which is a ridiculous goal at the academy level).

There are great coaches who develop players . . . just need to find one . . .

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Post by Guest on 05/02/16, 01:15 pm

humantaxi wrote: lovemykeeper....YES!  That is my point. I only find out about the team playing in one from other parents at practice.  

Quit the team. A lack of communication/common courtesy shouldn't be tolerated. I'm not even talking about soccer.

and I can top this; I went through the same thing with my DD, but I found out about the tourney when people started posting trophy pics on social media.

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Post by TatonkaBurger on 05/02/16, 01:23 pm

The coach has made the decision for you.  Move on.  Find a team where your daughter can grow and develop and is a valued member of the squad.  No brainer.
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Post by Relegated on 05/02/16, 01:23 pm

There are lots of reasons to pick a team for our daughters to play on...

...quality of coach
soccer development
how much fun our daughter has
cost
distance
division the team is in
color of uniforms
playing time...

... and each reason has different importance to each family.

Soccer is a big part of my daughter's life. She considers her team to be her "soccer family."  She trusts her coach because he has always treated her with respect - even when she messes up.  These aspects of her soccer team are incredibly important to us.  Do we always win as many games as we would like?  No, but that is easier to deal with when we remember that our team meets our daughter's most important needs at this point in her life.

So, if your daughter is getting what she needs from this team than maybe you stay, but your situation is not one that my family would find acceptable.

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Post by bigrobdsp on 05/02/16, 01:32 pm

my DD was on a team like that once. her confidence suffered, her development suffered, and I let it get to me. it took us for ever to make a move and to this day I dont know why. just find a new team. there are plenty of great ones out there.

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Post by humantaxi on 05/02/16, 01:45 pm

You guys are great! Thank you for all the thoughtful comments.

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Post by jogobonito06 on 05/02/16, 02:01 pm

Not being included in a tournament would only happen once for us. Plenty of teams out there that will value your kid.

Heard recently that there are teams with "practice squads". Kids get to train but don't play in the games. You think the kid or the parent signed up for that????

C'mon man! This ain't the NFL. It's KIDS soccer!!!
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Post by FCT2016 on 05/02/16, 02:38 pm

If they are excluding her then look elsewhere. Results don't mean anything at this age let her enjoy herself in an inclusive environment.

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Post by goldenshoe on 05/02/16, 02:49 pm

Not being included in a tournament?? Are you kidding me?? What kind of coach will allow that to happen?? I am an 02 parent and I have never heard such thing happening. It will literally take me less than .01 second to quit the team if I find out ONLY my daughter is not invited to play in the tournament out of the whole team. I am upset just reading about the post!

Just find a new team where she can be trusted, appreciated and encouraged. Your sweetheart deserves to be treated like normal 9 year old girl, not like MLS pro. Her ability will shine when skill and soccer IQ matters more than fast & furious type Smile

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Post by PLAY2FEET!! on 05/02/16, 03:45 pm

Just playing devil's advocate on this one..somewhat
Assuming that everything the OP stated is true, it sounds like your DD is in a great training environment where she is being pushed to become a better player. And I think that we all can agree that training is an essential part to becoming a better player. I would assume that
a) your DD is included in league games? no mention of regular games
b)Gets playing time in those games? No mention of playing time
c) Enjoys playing with the team she is currently on? She wants to stay.
So the only issue I hear, is mom or dad is upset about tournaments. No mention of this upsetting DD at all. Tournaments in which 3-6 games are played over a 2-3 day period. I have yet to read or hear from any soccer "expert", that thinks that tournaments of this nature are a good idea in the first place. So why fret over it?
We have all seen too many times in NTX, parent's bruised egos ruin the sport for their kids. Kids who only want to have fun playing the game with their friends anyway.
If DD was a top player on previous teams, another question I have, is why is she no longer with those teams?
If DD is not at the skill level of her current team, then that is a seperate issue altogether. Perhaps her current team level  may be overreaching a bit, and in that case, I would agree with all the other posters, that perhaps a change is needed.
Only you and your family can make that decision.

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Post by db10 on 05/02/16, 03:58 pm

1. does she like the team she is playing for?

2. is she developing as a player?

If 1 and 2 = yes then stop worrying about everything else. If one of the 2 = no then find a new team

She's an 06, plenty of time down the road to worry about tournaments, playing time, etc.

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Post by goldenshoe on 05/02/16, 04:28 pm

I found that most of the girls at young age 'LIKE' the team that they play on. So sticking to one team JUST because she LIKE it is not totally necessary unless she is 13+ (just my personal thought). However I think DEVELOPING does not only come from practicing with good players or playing on the winning team. Developing soccer skill can be achieved by practices, but developing soccer player takes lot more than practices itself. It takes so many things to work 'right' for your kid and everyone has different needs. At tender age of 9, the majority of decision still has to come from the parents when girls at this age tend to want to settle for comfort reason only.

Being included in the League game is not an option unless you agree to be on 'practice squad' (crazy, crazy, crazy). Playing time on the league game or tournament is another thing, but finding out your daughter is the ONLY player that is not playing in the tournament and wanting to reassess your daughter's status on the team is not showing bruised ego. I can tell you right now with confidence that if this happened to any of the girls on our daughter's team (including my daughter), this will be a big issue. If your DD is fine, don't sweat it will not work out for me as I most definitely know that this would bother my daughter if she finds out about it whether she choose to acknowledge or not.

It is all about having fun and building life long character at young age. If she chooses to continue to compete at higher level down the road, thing will change a bit.


Last edited by goldenshoe on 05/02/16, 04:41 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Post by go99 on 05/02/16, 04:36 pm

SWINGIT!! wrote:Just playing devil's advocate on this one..somewhat
Assuming that everything the OP stated is true, it sounds like your DD is in a great training environment where she is being pushed to become a better player. And I think that we all can agree that training is an essential part to becoming a better player. I would assume that
a) your DD is included in league games? no mention of regular games
b)Gets playing time in those games? No mention of playing time
c) Enjoys playing with the team she is currently on? She wants to stay.
So the only issue I hear, is mom or dad is upset about tournaments. No mention of this upsetting DD at all. Tournaments in which 3-6 games are played over a 2-3 day period. I have yet to read or hear from any soccer "expert", that thinks that tournaments of this nature are a good idea in the first place. So why fret over it?
We have all seen too many times in NTX, parent's bruised egos ruin the sport for their kids. Kids who only want to have fun playing the game with their friends anyway.
If DD was a top player on previous teams, another question I have, is why is she no longer with those teams?
If DD is not at the skill level of her current team, then that is a seperate issue altogether. Perhaps her current team level  may be overreaching a bit, and in that case, I would agree with all the other posters, that perhaps a change is needed.
Only you and your family can make that decision.

Hey welcome to the forum COACH!!! lol
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Post by humantaxi on 05/02/16, 05:17 pm

Swingit... one team never had enough players and the other team was not challenging for her. I admit the current team pushes her, and that's why we wanted to be on the roster. It does hurt my dds feelings. I didn't mention any tournament talk to her, but she saw a picture of the entire team on social media and asked why she didn't get to go. I prefer not to go to tournaments. That is one reason I didn't say anything to coach. Now that she knows I can tell she feels separate from her teamates. I don't want to invest time if he isn't invested in her, that's all. And this let's me know he might not be, especially since we just picked up a new player who has been asked to play in each one.

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Post by Lefty on 05/02/16, 05:22 pm

Would move DD immediately. Nothing to do with soccer and training and has everything to do with the quality of the coach as an individual.

Why would you want you DD associated with an individual who did not have the common courtesy, decency & backbone to let you and your DD know about the tournament and what her situation is with the team. Tells you everything you need to know about their character.

Coach has already let you, your DD and everyone else associated with the team know it is time for your DD to leave.

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Post by go99 on 05/02/16, 05:50 pm

Ok seriously I will try to help

First if this doesn't bother her then you are wasting your time anyway because the lacks a competitive spirit and is just a participator.
Second it isn't about the tournament it is about inclusion and being part of the team. Everyone want to preach teamwork and blah blah until its the teams time to give.
third If her coach has nothing but positive things to say about your DD he is either lying or the decisions are non soccer reasons. I don't believe a kid has to get playtime. If they are on the team they should be included. I do believe if a kid isn't getting playtime (or left out) the kid should know exactly why. It is impossible for a player to fix a problem if they have no idea what it is. So no your DD isn't improving but that okay because most kids aren't improving either they are becoming bigger versions of themselves. Getting bigger, stronger, faster in soccer isn't improving. Fixing all of the things you do poorly and learning to make better decisions is but few do that because coaches lack the vision and or courage to tell players what they are doing wrong. They don't want to upset parents or the payers, Um I mean players.

The final piece of advice I can give is to always keep in mind it is not your soccer it is hers. You can give her information and try to guide her along a path that she wants. But you can walk it for her, you shouldn't help carry the load and you shouldn't decide.
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Post by go99 on 05/02/16, 05:58 pm

humantaxi wrote:Swingit... one team never had enough players and the other team was not challenging for her. I admit the current team pushes her, and that's why we wanted to be on the roster. It does hurt my dds feelings. I didn't mention any tournament talk to her, but she saw a picture of the entire team on social media and asked why she didn't get to go. I prefer not to go to tournaments. That is one reason I didn't say anything to coach. Now that she knows I can tell she feels separate from her teamates. I don't want to invest time if he isn't invested in her, that's all. And this let's me know he might not be, especially  since we just picked up a new player who has been asked to play in each one.

Oh never hide disappointment from her. Let her carry it and respond. FACT she was left out because the coach didn't feel like he should have her go. The only thing that matters is how she responds to that. Does she "poor me" or does she fight back? Also something I have told both my kids "not everyone is there to help you. Not every coach lifts you up and guides you. Some are there to give you something to fight against, to drive you to prove them wrong, to put a chip on your shoulder. Tom Brady was made who he is thru training and great coaches and also by being picked last. Getting cut from the varsity team has as much to making Micheal Jordan as anything else. Don't know your coach but I would be willing to bet he is a better recruiter than he is a coach and his practices are nothing special. If she is a fighter let her finish the season while looking elsewhere and then just move on. N Texas has a million bad coaches. It won't be hard to find another one
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Post by 06Southgirl on 05/02/16, 06:01 pm

go99 wrote:
SWINGIT!! wrote:Just playing devil's advocate on this one..somewhat
Assuming that everything the OP stated is true, it sounds like your DD is in a great training environment where she is being pushed to become a better player. And I think that we all can agree that training is an essential part to becoming a better player. I would assume that
a) your DD is included in league games? no mention of regular games
b)Gets playing time in those games? No mention of playing time
c) Enjoys playing with the team she is currently on? She wants to stay.
So the only issue I hear, is mom or dad is upset about tournaments. No mention of this upsetting DD at all. Tournaments in which 3-6 games are played over a 2-3 day period. I have yet to read or hear from any soccer "expert", that thinks that tournaments of this nature are a good idea in the first place. So why fret over it?
We have all seen too many times in NTX, parent's bruised egos ruin the sport for their kids. Kids who only want to have fun playing the game with their friends anyway.
If DD was a top player on previous teams, another question I have, is why is she no longer with those teams?
If DD is not at the skill level of her current team, then that is a seperate issue altogether. Perhaps her current team level  may be overreaching a bit, and in that case, I would agree with all the other posters, that perhaps a change is needed.
Only you and your family can make that decision.

Hey welcome to the forum COACH!!! lol

Coach SwingIt what club are you with?
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Post by Guest on 05/02/16, 06:12 pm

Agree with go...let her fight and use the slights as life lesson and motivation to get better. If it's in her, eventually it will come out. Just know that you WILL eventually have to move because most coaches make their minds up about players early on, and very little she could ever do will change that first impression. Even if she surpasses the players said coach is chasing now, she will always be on a short leash. Let her battle through it, and then go find a coach who values your kid.

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Post by PLAY2FEET!! on 05/02/16, 06:18 pm

06southgirl wrote:
go99 wrote:

Hey welcome to the forum COACH!!! lol

Coach SwingIt what club are you with?
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