If you had it all to do over again....

IAmSoccerfan wrote:I got a chance to do it all over with my younger daughter.  She has benefited from me not being an ass.  I sit back, watch her play and encourage, encourage, encourage.  My older daughter took time off to pursue other interests.  She's now playing again and for the first time in a long while I see her having fun.  I wish I hadn't screwed it up for her.  So, don't be an ass.  Be supportive and enjoy every second of it.  

Couldn't agree more.

When my '03 daughter first switched from rec to academy, I was way to intense about it.  She was 8, and I would get annoyed when she didn't want to go to practice at 5:00pm in July.  There were definitely times I made her cry.  Towards the end of the summer, we had a game at the Sting complex and she was complaining about her stomach hurting.  As her teammates were walking in the gate, she was going home.  Once in the car and on the way home, she said she felt better.  It was clear she was relieved that she didn't have to play.  It was not a surprise to me when later that week she said she wanted to quit soccer completely.

Later that week, she told us she wanted to keep playing with her rec team because they were her "friends."  So for the fall season, it was rec only.  We encouraged her to try academy again in the spring and something clicked and she had a better experience.  I don't think it was a difference in coaches because the coach before she quit and after were both good (different, but good).  I was a lot more relaxed about everything soccer.  I started believing in all the mantras that other parents had told me - "It's a marathon."  "Development is as important as winning."  "At this age it still needs to be fun."  Etc.

I know there have been other factors that have helped her develop a passion for soccer - She considers the girls on her team to be as close of friends as the ones at school.  She has developed very positive relationships with the coaches at her club.  She has become pretty good at the game and that makes it more fun as well.  But I definitely think that having a calmer dad has been part of the change.

All, I had no agenda with the initial post. I was just interested in hearing the journey of others. I agree with most in that it's not my sport or my journey. I do however get involved with my DD in asking how she feels about the game and what she wants to do with it, if anything. Based on her desires I feel it's my job to help her seek options. Once the options are discussed for the most part I let her choose.

Obviously some places I won't drive to and some coaches I'd advise against but again, it's a healthy discussion between parents and developing kid. I do think it funny that at a young age parents fantasize about playing D1 college or USWNT. Yes, there may be a few from NT who achieve that from this talented 03 group and I wish them well. However for most that won't be the path so the "enjoy the journey" mantra seems the best approach. The ups and downs of it all are also a good life lesson. Goodness knows the career path has plenty of unforeseen turns as well, does it not?

All, I do appreciate all of your input and believe that's the value add this kind of forum can (at times) provide. Granted it's not as funny as all the nit-picking pettiness ;-)

Oh, and good luck to all on the first game of the season. It's gonna be an epic year in the 02/03 world.

And to my dear friends on DT Scott, enjoy your weekend off ;-)

I must say I do find those who are making it to the UNWT U17 and now U20 fun to watch. It gives our girls hope and something to strive for.

Strive for and hope for is all good. But I met a handful of dads at U9 who knew their DD was USWNT in the making.

Somewhere along the way reality sets in for most. But everyone should have a dream...as long as it's the DD's dream that's awesome.

One thing I loved about the world cup were all the bio's and life stories. I loved hearing about those who did not make their ODP or select teams while all their friends did. That just compelled them to work harder. Inspirational.

I just hope we as parents can be the support our DD's need to achieve their dreams. Their dreams, not ours.

The things that worked for my four dd's: > Found quality skills coaches early and often; > Encouraged multi-sports activity - the cross-training helped their soccer, plus it was fun and it provided easy transition if they decided to make a change, which happened to my third girl - She left soccer last year and was able to step right into high school and club volleyball with ease; > Encouraged them to work hard, give their max effort, and to strive for excellence in all that they do, be it band, orchestra, debate, color guard, homework.. the benefits paid off all the way around and made the journey more fulfilling; > Paid attention to who was coaching my girls. A coach who motivates, instills confidence, and who is a true skills-miester goes a very long way; > Took timeout occasionally to rest and re-tune. They came back happier and stronger every time.

What didn't work: For my first two dd's, I was wound up way too tightly and put too much pressure on them. I played top 10 D1 ball. It wasn't soccer, but we had an old school general Patton style coach who rode us hard, and I projected that onto them. On top of that, I coached, assistant coached, team managed and overall smothered them. With DD 3 and 4 I've taken a big step back, just encourage them, help give them the tools, and now sitting back and watching these happy girls excel and grow on their own.

Thank you for sharing SB. Great stuff!