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If you had it all to do over again....

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If you had it all to do over again....

Post by RightWingDad on 27/08/15, 02:36 pm

As our 02/03 DD's approach their 3rd season of select soccer I'd like to ask the community. If you and your DD could "start over" with her soccer development, what would you do differently if anything? If nothing and she is right where she needs to be I'd love to hear what worked well so far. I know a lot can change over the next few years (Jr High/High School sports, ECNL, Age Pure, boys Crying or Very sad etc) but for now I'd love to hear your thoughts, good, bad or indifferent.
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Re: If you had it all to do over again....

Post by bigheadpena on 27/08/15, 02:47 pm

I wouldn't change a thing. We started my DD with a great skill coach really early and it definitely paid off.
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Re: If you had it all to do over again....

Post by SoccerPop on 27/08/15, 03:11 pm

i wouldn't have spent my time in college becoming an engineer but instead become a cruise ship captain and me and my dd would sail the Caribbean... #liferegrets

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Re: If you had it all to do over again....

Post by Zeko2 on 27/08/15, 03:19 pm

I've learned that it's her journey, not mine, and I'm going to leave it in her hands. She can do as much or as little as she wants to regarding development but I'm not going to push. I've learned to relax and just enjoy watching her play.

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Re: If you had it all to do over again....

Post by sccrprntsrcrazy on 27/08/15, 03:29 pm

Zeko2 wrote:I've learned that it's her journey, not mine, and I'm going to leave it in her hands.  She can do as much or as little as she wants to regarding development but I'm not going to push.  I've learned to relax and just enjoy watching her play.  


Same boat here, learning to let go of the reins and let her begin her own journey in this sport. As a parent it's so hard to let go and just sit on the sideline and watch, instead of coaching her from the side and etc...

Ive realized that she pushes herself harder and want's to achieve more, since as a parent i stopped critiquing her play after practice and etc.. and after practice she discusses what she needs too work on and what she wants too work on with her skills coach..definitely im enjoying the maturity instead of her being defensive in the past when we would discuss practice and games.

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Re: If you had it all to do over again....

Post by Guest on 27/08/15, 03:39 pm

If I could do it over?   I'd encourage more skills training earlier and I'd encourage more futsal and 4v4 earlier.

Having said that, I mirror the above comment about enjoying watching them play. By the time they're 14 it's pretty much up to them, if they're still playing, appreciate it. My oldest is now at 16, we now know more girls that "used to play", than "she plays for....."

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Re: If you had it all to do over again....

Post by newbiefornow on 27/08/15, 04:14 pm

What has worked so far is being consistent and being patient at least from our perspective. The other thing that seems to have worked is being team oriented. Our DD is developing as part of a team. She enjoys being connected and feeling like she's valued, which allows her to develop her skill and commitment. The journey is important but the destination is "interesting" and has some relevance to the "If you had it all to do over" question.

Our intention has been to develop our DD's talent. That's happening. Our current goal is ECNL with a view to Soccer being a consideration for admission to College. We're not expecting it to pay for college or even get close and at some level it's still just a fairly expensive but not outrageously expensive hobby. So that implies "success" in a few years is being a very strong contributor to a team that will be noticed on a College resume or possibly get a nod from a Coach in a College our DD is interested in.  Our goal at moment is not College Sports but if it happened I think we'd cope.

Given the control the clubs have and the number of very talented kids who compete for places on each team my distinct impression is that there's very few choices we have that would make any kind of difference.  If your DD tries out for lots teams, you still can only be part of one of them. Once you're part of a team your DD will either do well for lots of complex reasons (personalities, competition, injuries, coaching, fatigue, distractions...) or she won't. I think you do get to choose the coach assuming they choose you and the philosophy of the club but there are enough really good coaches and really good clubs for that not to be much of a choice. I feel like we lucked out but not because of a lot of choices or really any choices, except to show up and encourage our DD to work hard.

Still a Newbie and maybe that's the reason for your question. What choices are there that can be different? Assuming Select Soccer is a given.

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Re: If you had it all to do over again....

Post by newbiefornow on 27/08/15, 04:19 pm

Just read the other posts. I get it now and I agree - enjoy the ride. It's costing enough so you should. If you think you're in control or you're looking for it you're going to be pretty frustrated.

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Re: If you had it all to do over again....

Post by Guest on 27/08/15, 04:52 pm

I'd make mine take up competitive gaming. Better scholarship chances, less chance of injury, and never have to drive to Chinn Chapel.

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Re: If you had it all to do over again....

Post by Zeko2 on 27/08/15, 05:12 pm

How do you get into competitive gaming? My son would be a pro at that.

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Re: If you had it all to do over again....

Post by jeaton on 27/08/15, 10:04 pm

I would have my DD train with boys from a young age until it was not appropriate. She does skills training with boys and it has helped her become quicker, pass harder, improved her first touch, and made her more aggressive.

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Re: If you had it all to do over again....

Post by soccerjack on 27/08/15, 10:53 pm

Wish I'd of made her stick with golf. Now cheaper than soccer. If you want a scholarship....better chance than soccer. Don't need to worry about those pesky teammates and parents. They can wear cool clothes. Mom and dad can have a cocktail while watching. No Fifa or crazy a$$ rule changes like age pure.

Very Happy
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Re: If you had it all to do over again....

Post by WhySeauxSerious on 27/08/15, 11:17 pm

i would have bought her a horse...

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Re: If you had it all to do over again....

Post by BurnOnYou on 27/08/15, 11:42 pm

Foot skills earlier.  First coach told us to be patient and the foot skills would come with time,  but without practice or training that never really occurred.  At the skills training we attend now, I'm watching 4 and 5 year olds with sick skills, that will serve them well.

Was very caught up in the romance of it all, with the idea that the girls would all stay on the same team, grow and progress together and end up life long friends. Resulted in our staying on the wrong team for too long.

Have learned the hard way, not to recruit anyone to the team- especially not friends.  Otherwise you feel obliged to stay when the time to leave comes.  I'll introduce parents to the coach or the idea of the team to others but leave it alone after that.  

It really is a journey. Has taken 2+ years to figure that out.  So be patient.  I wasn't and wish I had been.  Wish I hadn't critiqued at all.  To do it over I would only encourage.

Don't get caught up in the prestige of the team or its previous record(s).  Touches, playing time, how well the coach develops the girls is what's important.  Not the division they play in at an early age.

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Re: If you had it all to do over again....

Post by Sho'Nuff on 28/08/15, 12:26 am

Great message
BurnOnYou wrote:Foot skills earlier.  First coach told us to be patient and the foot skills would come with time,  but without practice or training that never really occurred.  At the skills training we attend now, I'm watching 4 and 5 year olds with sick skills, that will serve them well.

Was very caught up in the romance of it all, with the idea that the girls would all stay on the same team, grow and progress together and end up life long friends.  Resulted in our staying on the wrong team for too long.

Have learned the hard way, not to recruit anyone to the team- especially not friends.  Otherwise you feel obliged to stay when the time to leave comes.  I'll introduce parents to the coach or the idea of the team to others but leave it alone after that.  

It really is a journey. Has taken 2+ years to figure that out.  So be patient.  I wasn't and wish I had been.  Wish I hadn't critiqued at all.  To do it over I would only encourage.

Don't get caught up in the prestige of the team or its previous record(s).  Touches, playing time, how well the coach develops the girls is what's important.  Not the division they play in at an early age.

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Re: If you had it all to do over again....

Post by herradura on 28/08/15, 10:22 am

BurnOnYou wrote:Foot skills earlier.  First coach told us to be patient and the foot skills would come with time,  but without practice or training that never really occurred.  At the skills training we attend now, I'm watching 4 and 5 year olds with sick skills, that will serve them well.

Was very caught up in the romance of it all, with the idea that the girls would all stay on the same team, grow and progress together and end up life long friends.  Resulted in our staying on the wrong team for too long.

Have learned the hard way, not to recruit anyone to the team- especially not friends.  Otherwise you feel obliged to stay when the time to leave comes.  I'll introduce parents to the coach or the idea of the team to others but leave it alone after that.  

It really is a journey. Has taken 2+ years to figure that out.  So be patient.  I wasn't and wish I had been.  Wish I hadn't critiqued at all.  To do it over I would only encourage.

Don't get caught up in the prestige of the team or its previous record(s).  Touches, playing time, how well the coach develops the girls is what's important.  Not the division they play in at an early age.

cheers
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Re: If you had it all to do over again....

Post by AtThePitch on 28/08/15, 10:26 am

Found DM before he retired and kept him in the game. Twisted Evil
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Re: If you had it all to do over again....

Post by notdavidmay on 28/08/15, 11:06 am

AtThePitch wrote:Found DM before he retired and kept him in the game. Twisted Evil

Who is DM?
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Re: If you had it all to do over again....

Post by AtThePitch on 28/08/15, 11:08 am

There was a big black truck spotted recently at Texans facility. I was told the shine off his shaven legs was so bright it blinded a new coach that dared to look directly at him.
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Re: If you had it all to do over again....

Post by IAmSoccerfan on 28/08/15, 12:34 pm

I got a chance to do it all over with my younger daughter. She has benefited from me not being an ass. I sit back, watch her play and encourage, encourage, encourage. My older daughter took time off to pursue other interests. She's now playing again and for the first time in a long while I see her having fun. I wish I hadn't screwed it up for her. So, don't be an ass. Be supportive and enjoy every second of it.

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Re: If you had it all to do over again....

Post by PurplePonyPower on 28/08/15, 12:42 pm

Move to CA.

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Re: If you had it all to do over again....

Post by AtThePitch on 28/08/15, 12:55 pm

PurplePonyPower wrote:Move to CA.

Winning!
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Re: If you had it all to do over again....

Post by AtThePitch on 28/08/15, 12:56 pm

How bout ship her to live with family in CA... I can't leave Tejas.
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Re: If you had it all to do over again....

Post by SoccerPop on 28/08/15, 12:57 pm

IAmSoccerfan wrote:I got a chance to do it all over with my younger daughter.  She has benefited from me not being an ass.  I sit back, watch her play and encourage, encourage, encourage.  My older daughter took time off to pursue other interests.  She's now playing again and for the first time in a long while I see her having fun.  I wish I hadn't screwed it up for her.  So, don't be an ass.  Be supportive and enjoy every second of it.  

About to start this process over again with my youngest daughter. These are words to live by! cheers cheers

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Re: If you had it all to do over again....

Post by Relegated on 28/08/15, 01:02 pm

IAmSoccerfan wrote:I got a chance to do it all over with my younger daughter.  She has benefited from me not being an ass.  I sit back, watch her play and encourage, encourage, encourage.  My older daughter took time off to pursue other interests.  She's now playing again and for the first time in a long while I see her having fun.  I wish I hadn't screwed it up for her.  So, don't be an ass.  Be supportive and enjoy every second of it.  

Couldn't agree more.

When my '03 daughter first switched from rec to academy, I was way to intense about it.  She was 8, and I would get annoyed when she didn't want to go to practice at 5:00pm in July.  There were definitely times I made her cry.  Towards the end of the summer, we had a game at the Sting complex and she was complaining about her stomach hurting.  As her teammates were walking in the gate, she was going home.  Once in the car and on the way home, she said she felt better.  It was clear she was relieved that she didn't have to play.  It was not a surprise to me when later that week she said she wanted to quit soccer completely.

Later that week, she told us she wanted to keep playing with her rec team because they were her "friends."  So for the fall season, it was rec only.  We encouraged her to try academy again in the spring and something clicked and she had a better experience.  I don't think it was a difference in coaches because the coach before she quit and after were both good (different, but good).  I was a lot more relaxed about everything soccer.  I started believing in all the mantras that other parents had told me - "It's a marathon."  "Development is as important as winning."  "At this age it still needs to be fun."  Etc.

I know there have been other factors that have helped her develop a passion for soccer - She considers the girls on her team to be as close of friends as the ones at school.  She has developed very positive relationships with the coaches at her club.  She has become pretty good at the game and that makes it more fun as well.  But I definitely think that having a calmer dad has been part of the change.

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