Over-Involved sports Parent?

Slakemoth wrote:This syndrome reaches its peak at U10 and U11, then trails off steadily each year after that.....

Slakemoth wrote:This syndrome reaches its peak at U10 and U11, then trails off steadily each year after that.....

RunsLikeWind wrote:I read an article the other day about signs that you may be an over-involved sports parent. They listed the following:

1. Do you attend every practice of your kid. At the younger ages you may have to, but when you are there, do you watch on pins and needles for your kid to make a play? Do you cheer at the practices? Do you yell at your kid to hustle, work harder, during practice?


I have seen all of these and been guilty of a few too.


2. Do you coach from the sideline? Enough said.

3. Do talk about the sport constantly while at home, in the car, watch it on TV?

4. Do you critique your kid after the game on the way home?

5. Have you ever missed a game?

6. Do you miss family or school functions instead of missing a sports event?

7. Do you talk to the coach about your kids position or about how much playing time your kid gets and try to lobby for your kid?

AFter reading this list, I find that I am probably a little over-involved and plan to try and take it easier this Fall. Maybe miss some practices, pipe down during games, and not talk about soccer around my kids.

Due to the fact anyone reading this is on a website for parents to talk about kids soccer, I imagine most are also over-involved.


Some things to think about. Have a great Fall.


sorry got to disagree with this. how bout this?

ever pay thousands of dollars for something and NOT be involved with the outcome?

ever invested enormous sums of time and effort and NOT been involved w the outcome?

ever have a hobby and be expected to just ignore it?

games are 2 hrs of time 19-20 weeks out of the year but i guess sleeping in or raking the yard is more important than watching your kids experience the highs and lows of competition and letting them know their hard work is noticed.

sorry we love soccer and don't make any excuses about it....

RunsLikeWind wrote:I read an article the other day about signs that you may be an over-involved sports parent. They listed the following:

1. Do you attend every practice of your kid. At the younger ages you may have to, but when you are there, do you watch on pins and needles for your kid to make a play? Do you cheer at the practices? Do you yell at your kid to hustle, work harder, during practice?


I have seen all of these and been guilty of a few too.


2. Do you coach from the sideline? Enough said.

3. Do talk about the sport constantly while at home, in the car, watch it on TV?

4. Do you critique your kid after the game on the way home?

5. Have you ever missed a game?

6. Do you miss family or school functions instead of missing a sports event?

7. Do you talk to the coach about your kids position or about how much playing time your kid gets and try to lobby for your kid?

AFter reading this list, I find that I am probably a little over-involved and plan to try and take it easier this Fall. Maybe miss some practices, pipe down during games, and not talk about soccer around my kids.

Due to the fact anyone reading this is on a website for parents to talk about kids soccer, I imagine most are also over-involved.


Some things to think about. Have a great Fall.

silentparent wrote:

RunsLikeWind wrote:I read an article the other day about signs that you may be an over-involved sports parent. They listed the following:

1. Do you attend every practice of your kid. At the younger ages you may have to, but when you are there, do you watch on pins and needles for your kid to make a play? Do you cheer at the practices? Do you yell at your kid to hustle, work harder, during practice?


I have seen all of these and been guilty of a few too.


2. Do you coach from the sideline? Enough said.

3. Do talk about the sport constantly while at home, in the car, watch it on TV?

4. Do you critique your kid after the game on the way home?

5. Have you ever missed a game?

6. Do you miss family or school functions instead of missing a sports event?

7. Do you talk to the coach about your kids position or about how much playing time your kid gets and try to lobby for your kid?

AFter reading this list, I find that I am probably a little over-involved and plan to try and take it easier this Fall. Maybe miss some practices, pipe down during games, and not talk about soccer around my kids.

Due to the fact anyone reading this is on a website for parents to talk about kids soccer, I imagine most are also over-involved.


Some things to think about. Have a great Fall.

sorry got to disagree with this. how bout this?

ever pay thousands of dollars for something and NOT be involved with the outcome?

ever invested enormous sums of time and effort and NOT been involved w the outcome?

ever have a hobby and be expected to just ignore it?

games are 2 hrs of time 19-20 weeks out of the year but i guess sleeping in or raking the yard is more important than watching your kids experience the highs and lows of competition and letting them know their hard work is noticed.

sorry we love soccer and don't make any excuses about it....

Xara wrote:

silentparent wrote:

RunsLikeWind wrote:I read an article the other day about signs that you may be an over-involved sports parent. They listed the following:

1. Do you attend every practice of your kid. At the younger ages you may have to, but when you are there, do you watch on pins and needles for your kid to make a play? Do you cheer at the practices? Do you yell at your kid to hustle, work harder, during practice?


I have seen all of these and been guilty of a few too.


2. Do you coach from the sideline? Enough said.

3. Do talk about the sport constantly while at home, in the car, watch it on TV?

4. Do you critique your kid after the game on the way home?

5. Have you ever missed a game?

6. Do you miss family or school functions instead of missing a sports event?

7. Do you talk to the coach about your kids position or about how much playing time your kid gets and try to lobby for your kid?

AFter reading this list, I find that I am probably a little over-involved and plan to try and take it easier this Fall. Maybe miss some practices, pipe down during games, and not talk about soccer around my kids.

Due to the fact anyone reading this is on a website for parents to talk about kids soccer, I imagine most are also over-involved.


Some things to think about. Have a great Fall.

sorry got to disagree with this. how bout this?

ever pay thousands of dollars for something and NOT be involved with the outcome?

ever invested enormous sums of time and effort and NOT been involved w the outcome?

ever have a hobby and be expected to just ignore it?

games are 2 hrs of time 19-20 weeks out of the year but i guess sleeping in or raking the yard is more important than watching your kids experience the highs and lows of competition and letting them know their hard work is noticed.

sorry we love soccer and don't make any excuses about it....

I just can't let this one go. The target you painted on your back is simply unavoidable. Here's the one thing you seem to be overlooking: It's your kid's sport, not yours. You spend thousands of dollars for SOMEONE ELSE to work with your child toward the outcome. Stalking your precious Mia during practices and games won't help her out. It just makes you look like a nut. But by indicating that select soccer is somehow your "hobby" gives you away as being fully certifiable. Most soccer parents don't "love soccer". They tend to know jack about the sport except for what they've seen by regularly fixating on their own kids at the practices and games.

Here's an idea: If you want to claim a hobby, then get one of your own. But please spare us the "I'm an over-involved parent but that's how it should be" speech. Your attitude on this will (thankfully) change significantly in a few years, and you'll (hopefully) look back at your current rationale and laugh.

RunsLikeWind wrote:I read an article the other day about signs that you may be an over-involved sports parent. They listed the following:

1. Do you attend every practice of your kid. At the younger ages you may have to, but when you are there, do you watch on pins and needles for your kid to make a play? Do you cheer at the practices? Do you yell at your kid to hustle, work harder, during practice?


I have seen all of these and been guilty of a few too.


2. Do you coach from the sideline? Enough said.

3. Do talk about the sport constantly while at home, in the car, watch it on TV?

4. Do you critique your kid after the game on the way home?

5. Have you ever missed a game?

6. Do you miss family or school functions instead of missing a sports event?

7. Do you talk to the coach about your kids position or about how much playing time your kid gets and try to lobby for your kid?

AFter reading this list, I find that I am probably a little over-involved and plan to try and take it easier this Fall. Maybe miss some practices, pipe down during games, and not talk about soccer around my kids.

Due to the fact anyone reading this is on a website for parents to talk about kids soccer, I imagine most are also over-involved.


Some things to think about. Have a great Fall.

go99 wrote:being involved shows that you are interested in your kids sport. It has been my experience that the drop off soccer is an expensive babysitter kids do not do as well as the kids who's parents are at practice. Weather it's sports, hobbies, video games, or TV try to show some interest in the things that your kid enjoys. I am at practice as a sign of support. That what my kid does is important to me. I am also there to look out and protect my kid to make sure no lines are crossed.

RunsLikeWind wrote:
1. Do you attend every practice of your kid. Short version = YES. Whether it's the social aspect from getting to know the parents or being there for the possibility of an early rain/lightning cancellation or injury .. I'm there.
2. Do you coach cheer from the sideline? YES
3. Do talk about the sport constantly while at home, in the car, watch it on TV? Hard not to be entertained by the Women's Nat'l team!!
4. Do you critique your kid after the game on the way home? NO, they don't need us telling them what they did wrong. That's the coach's job. But we do point out the positives.
5. Have you ever missed a game? We've been very fortunate between both of my kiddos, we've missed very very few. My kids still excitingly ask questions starting with "Did you see that one play where _____ ?"
6. Do you miss family or school functions instead of missing a sports event? Not much. Good planning allows alot.
7. Do you talk to the coach about your kids position or about how much playing time your kid gets and try to lobby for your kid? ABSOLUTELY NOT. We've always put that in the hands of our kiddo. By stepping back, our kids have brought their questions or concerns to the coaches themselves. This way they own their concern as well as their solution.

RunsLikeWind wrote:I read an article the other day about signs that you may be an over-involved sports parent. They listed the following:

1. Do you attend every practice of your kid. At the younger ages you may have to, but when you are there, do you watch on pins and needles for your kid to make a play? Do you cheer at the practices? Do you yell at your kid to hustle, work harder, during practice?


I have seen all of these and been guilty of a few too.


2. Do you coach from the sideline? Enough said.

3. Do talk about the sport constantly while at home, in the car, watch it on TV?

4. Do you critique your kid after the game on the way home?

5. Have you ever missed a game?

6. Do you miss family or school functions instead of missing a sports event?

7. Do you talk to the coach about your kids position or about how much playing time your kid gets and try to lobby for your kid?

AFter reading this list, I find that I am probably a little over-involved and plan to try and take it easier this Fall. Maybe miss some practices, pipe down during games, and not talk about soccer around my kids.

Due to the fact anyone reading this is on a website for parents to talk about kids soccer, I imagine most are also over-involved.


Some things to think about. Have a great Fall.

go99 wrote:being involved shows that you are interested in your kids sport. It has been my experience that the drop off soccer is an expensive babysitter kids do not do as well as the kids who's parents are at practice. Weather it's sports, hobbies, video games, or TV try to show some interest in the things that your kid enjoys. I am at practice as a sign of support. That what my kid does is important to me. I am also there to look out and protect my kid to make sure no lines are crossed.

Xara wrote:

Total B.S. I can sit here and point out the plethora of reasons why nearly every parent posting on here is too involved in their kid's sport, needs to let the coach do his job, should stop living vicariously through their offspring, and generally just needs to shut up on the sideline... but it's like trying to explain to a schizophrenic that the voices aren't real. As mentioned, most of you will one day look back on all of this and think to yourselves "What the hell was I thinking? How could I let something like a child's sport permeate my every thought and action?" And you'll wish you could somehow get the time back to use for more meaningful time with your children. Of course, there will be others who will never let go. They'll hover over their Pele-ettes until the little dynamoes quit soccer in high school around U14 or U15. History repeats itself.

10sDad wrote:Parents need to teach their children life skills in order for them to succeed. A couple of them are "competition" and "life is not always fair". Where better than competitive soccer can you teach these?

Over the last generation or so, the bleeding-hearts have tried to remove competition from anything and everything in the idyllic vision of "self-esteem". They want to remove the word "loser" from any kids vocabulary. Field day does not have 1st, 2nd, or 3rd place ribbons anymore...its all participation awards, and everybody gets one. They dumb down tests so the dumb kids feel better about themselves. It is just pervasive - and makes the kids feel entitled to being a "winner" just because they showed up. This spawns things like the occupy movement, where you have all these kids getting out of college, and whine and moan that they can't get a 100K job, instead of starting at the bottom like their parents had to do...degree or not. Face it, in the real world, when you go to a job interview, it is a competition, and there will be one winner and multiple losers - the work and preparation you put in leading up to any competition has a direct effect on the outcome.

Winning is euphoric, and losing hurts. We don't have to cheer to make our little athlete feel good when they win, nor do we have to scold them to make them feel bad when they lose. They feel that just fine on their own. What we can do, is teach them to be good sports when they win and not degrade the team they just beat, and we can teach them that if they re-apply themselves and work a bit harder, they might find themselves on the winning side next time.

Life is not always fair - sometimes Suzy gets more playing time than Janie because Suzy's mom is hotter and the coach is a horn-dog. sometimes you get a biased ref that should have gone ahead and just wore the other team's jersey. sometimes you get cut from the team. That stuff happens, unfortunately. As parents, we need to educate our children how to deal with the situation, rather than becoming child-like ourselves. (that part is really hard for me). Whether it means moving to another team, just keeping our mouths shut, etc. "change the things I can, accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference"..

Regarding money, time, etc.--- If you view soccer as an investment toward a college scholarship, get out. Put your money in a savings account - it will be safer there. As bad as it sounds, I funded my older boy's soccer as an anti-drug measure. Top-tier soccer forces the athletes to care for their bodies, makes them fear random drug tests more than mom and dad, and it takes up so much of their time, that they don't have time to go out and get in trouble out of boredom. I prefer to stay involved as much as possible, and the entire family tries to attend every game. A family that PRAYS together stays together, and a family that PLAYS together is happier still.

Just my $0.02

10sDad wrote:Parents need to teach their children life skills in order for them to succeed. A couple of them are "competition" and "life is not always fair". Where better than competitive soccer can you teach these?

Over the last generation or so, the bleeding-hearts have tried to remove competition from anything and everything in the idyllic vision of "self-esteem". They want to remove the word "loser" from any kids vocabulary. Field day does not have 1st, 2nd, or 3rd place ribbons anymore...its all participation awards, and everybody gets one. They dumb down tests so the dumb kids feel better about themselves. It is just pervasive - and makes the kids feel entitled to being a "winner" just because they showed up. This spawns things like the occupy movement, where you have all these kids getting out of college, and whine and moan that they can't get a 100K job, instead of starting at the bottom like their parents had to do...degree or not. Face it, in the real world, when you go to a job interview, it is a competition, and there will be one winner and multiple losers - the work and preparation you put in leading up to any competition has a direct effect on the outcome.

Winning is euphoric, and losing hurts. We don't have to cheer to make our little athlete feel good when they win, nor do we have to scold them to make them feel bad when they lose. They feel that just fine on their own. What we can do, is teach them to be good sports when they win and not degrade the team they just beat, and we can teach them that if they re-apply themselves and work a bit harder, they might find themselves on the winning side next time.

Life is not always fair - sometimes Suzy gets more playing time than Janie because Suzy's mom is hotter and the coach is a horn-dog. sometimes you get a biased ref that should have gone ahead and just wore the other team's jersey. sometimes you get cut from the team. That stuff happens, unfortunately. As parents, we need to educate our children how to deal with the situation, rather than becoming child-like ourselves. (that part is really hard for me). Whether it means moving to another team, just keeping our mouths shut, etc. "change the things I can, accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference"..

Regarding money, time, etc.--- If you view soccer as an investment toward a college scholarship, get out. Put your money in a savings account - it will be safer there. As bad as it sounds, I funded my older boy's soccer as an anti-drug measure. Top-tier soccer forces the athletes to care for their bodies, makes them fear random drug tests more than mom and dad, and it takes up so much of their time, that they don't have time to go out and get in trouble out of boredom. I prefer to stay involved as much as possible, and the entire family tries to attend every game. A family that PRAYS together stays together, and a family that PLAYS together is happier still.

Just my $0.02

Xara wrote:

go99 wrote:being involved shows that you are interested in your kids sport. It has been my experience that the drop off soccer is an expensive babysitter kids do not do as well as the kids who's parents are at practice. Weather it's sports, hobbies, video games, or TV try to show some interest in the things that your kid enjoys. I am at practice as a sign of support. That what my kid does is important to me. I am also there to look out and protect my kid to make sure no lines are crossed.

Total B.S. I can sit here and point out the plethora of reasons why nearly every parent posting on here is too involved in their kid's sport, needs to let the coach do his job, should stop living vicariously through their offspring, and generally just needs to shut up on the sideline... but it's like trying to explain to a schizophrenic that the voices aren't real. As mentioned, most of you will one day look back on all of this and think to yourselves "What the hell was I thinking? How could I let something like a child's sport permeate my every thought and action?" And you'll wish you could somehow get the time back to use for more meaningful time with your children. Of course, there will be others who will never let go. They'll hover over their Pele-ettes until the little dynamoes quit soccer in high school around U14 or U15. History repeats itself.

10sDad wrote:Parents need to teach their children life skills in order for them to succeed. A couple of them are "competition" and "life is not always fair". Where better than competitive soccer can you teach these?

Over the last generation or so, the bleeding-hearts have tried to remove competition from anything and everything in the idyllic vision of "self-esteem". They want to remove the word "loser" from any kids vocabulary. Field day does not have 1st, 2nd, or 3rd place ribbons anymore...its all participation awards, and everybody gets one. They dumb down tests so the dumb kids feel better about themselves. It is just pervasive - and makes the kids feel entitled to being a "winner" just because they showed up. This spawns things like the occupy movement, where you have all these kids getting out of college, and whine and moan that they can't get a 100K job, instead of starting at the bottom like their parents had to do...degree or not. Face it, in the real world, when you go to a job interview, it is a competition, and there will be one winner and multiple losers - the work and preparation you put in leading up to any competition has a direct effect on the outcome.

Winning is euphoric, and losing hurts. We don't have to cheer to make our little athlete feel good when they win, nor do we have to scold them to make them feel bad when they lose. They feel that just fine on their own. What we can do, is teach them to be good sports when they win and not degrade the team they just beat, and we can teach them that if they re-apply themselves and work a bit harder, they might find themselves on the winning side next time.

Life is not always fair - sometimes Suzy gets more playing time than Janie because Suzy's mom is hotter and the coach is a horn-dog. sometimes you get a biased ref that should have gone ahead and just wore the other team's jersey. sometimes you get cut from the team. That stuff happens, unfortunately. As parents, we need to educate our children how to deal with the situation, rather than becoming child-like ourselves. (that part is really hard for me). Whether it means moving to another team, just keeping our mouths shut, etc. "change the things I can, accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference"..

Regarding money, time, etc.--- If you view soccer as an investment toward a college scholarship, get out. Put your money in a savings account - it will be safer there. As bad as it sounds, I funded my older boy's soccer as an anti-drug measure. Top-tier soccer forces the athletes to care for their bodies, makes them fear random drug tests more than mom and dad, and it takes up so much of their time, that they don't have time to go out and get in trouble out of boredom. I prefer to stay involved as much as possible, and the entire family tries to attend every game. A family that PRAYS together stays together, and a family that PLAYS together is happier still.

Just my $0.02

Xara wrote:

go99 wrote:being involved shows that you are interested in your kids sport. It has been my experience that the drop off soccer is an expensive babysitter kids do not do as well as the kids who's parents are at practice. Weather it's sports, hobbies, video games, or TV try to show some interest in the things that your kid enjoys. I am at practice as a sign of support. That what my kid does is important to me. I am also there to look out and protect my kid to make sure no lines are crossed.

Total B.S. I can sit here and point out the plethora of reasons why nearly every parent posting on here is too involved in their kid's sport, needs to let the coach do his job, should stop living vicariously through their offspring, and generally just needs to shut up on the sideline... but it's like trying to explain to a schizophrenic that the voices aren't real. As mentioned, most of you will one day look back on all of this and think to yourselves "What the hell was I thinking? How could I let something like a child's sport permeate my every thought and action?" And you'll wish you could somehow get the time back to use for more meaningful time with your children. Of course, there will be others who will never let go. They'll hover over their Pele-ettes until the little dynamoes quit soccer in high school around U14 or U15. History repeats itself.

oldboot wrote:

OK - got it - pray and play together - good thoughts - now tell us more about Suzy's mom.