A Request to all coaches/teams

Dear coaches and teams,

I wanted to pass this word of advice on to you. I know how busy this time of year becomes. I also know that you may look at a large number of players who come through the open practices. However, it would really benefit you and your team if you communicate thoroughly with those players.

These young ladies come to your team because they are interested. They may or may not be quite what you need. Either way, let them know where they stand. If you don't feel they fit in your organization, let them know and know why (in as nice a way as possible). It is really better for everyone if you do. If you like what you see, let them know and invite them back to another practice. If you aren't sure about them, let them know your concerns and encourage them to come back and show you that they can step up.

Don't keep them hanging on "just in case and then drop them at the last possible moment when someone you think is better shows up." This is a very personal job interview for these girls (as it is for your team). Think about job interviews you have had (especially the bad ones) and try to make this as good of an experience as you can.

I know that most of you know these things, but it is easy to forget when in the midst of looking at players.

Best to everyone in this crazy time.

 100% spot on with this post imho.

In the end, isn't that what we look for? So why do so many coaches end up coming off like used car salesmen?

I agree, but it goes both ways. I suspect there are a lot of parents leading coaches on too.

Cobra_Kai wrote:I agree, but it goes both ways.  I suspect there are a lot of parents leading coaches on too.

Valid point.

Great idea, hope all these coaches do as you suggest.

I would encourage parents and players be just as honest and upfront with their communications.

Committing to a team while continuing to look for a "better offer" creates a huge mess when signing day rolls around and you let them know you are signing elsewhere (or worse, you don't tell them anything, you just don't show up).  It leads to a lot of last minute scrambling till the dominoes start to fall.

Here's to hoping everyone, coaches and parents alike, take your message to heart. This time of year would be a lot less stressful.

I too agree. Coaches can be disingenuous...and parents need to see that perspective as well.

Coaches, say what you mean...if there is no room currently, SAY IT! If she is a bubble player, but if she doesn't catch on, you might have room later...SAY it...late in the game, if she hasn't found a home and you get a late drop...it may work out for BOTH.

Parents, remember that when you hear..."I want to see more of her"...it may be that coach wants to see how she will fit in a position that is new to her...put a girl who has played a lot of forward at an outside mid to see if she would capture minutes there, and it may NOT be a string-along, it may be a...let me see if I can get a talented girl minutes...I have a glut of forwards, can she be an attacking mid or fit another role.

Great responses, and I agree with parents being honest as well. At one point in my DD's short career in Select, the team she was on had pinned their hopes of a successful season on one forward. The parents had promised the coach that they would sign with our team. The day of signing, they called the coach to say they were on their way. They came and showed the coach a signed contract - with another team. It was a gut wrenching moment for our coach. So, yes, parents should be honest as well.

I believe in keeping commitments myself. I teach my DD the same thing. If you commit to something stand behind it. If you aren't sure you can commit, say that. If you know you won't follow through then be honest and say so. If your word isn't any good then how can you expect people to trust you? I know how hard it is during this time of the year. I feel for everyone involved.

Perhaps we should all check our evasiveness in at the edge of the field and be truthful to each other.

  

Amen! If you don't want a player do the kid the courtesy of saying thanks but you are not a fit, then she can be one step closer to finding her team and enjoying the beautiful game. Man up or woman up and do your job as an a mentor to children....

InaB wrote:Dear coaches and teams,

I wanted to pass this word of advice on to you. I know how busy this time of year becomes. I also know that you may look at a large number of players who come through the open practices. However, it would really benefit you and your team if you communicate thoroughly with those players.

These young ladies come to your team because they are interested. They may or may not be quite what you need. Either way, let them know where they stand. If you don't feel they fit in your organization, let them know and know why (in as nice a way as possible). It is really better for everyone if you do. If you like what you see, let them know and invite them back to another practice. If you aren't sure about them, let them know your concerns and encourage them to come back and show you that they can step up.

Don't keep them hanging on "just in case and then drop them at the last possible moment when someone you think is better shows up." This is a very personal job interview for these girls (as it is for your team). Think about job interviews you have had (especially the bad ones) and try to make this as good of an experience as you can.

I know that most of you know these things, but it is easy to forget when in the midst of looking at players.

Best to everyone in this crazy time.

Well Said!

Nice thread, good positives.

I hope all find a happy home to play.

I'm back to check my own welcome wagon, thanks!

Amen sister! These are young people with hopes, dreams and feelings, not products.

Cobra_Kai wrote:I agree, but it goes both ways.  I suspect there are a lot of parents leading coaches on too.

Every year, every team in every age group there are 2-3 sets of parents who keep teams/coaches hanging on until the last moment before renigging on their commitment and often don't even communicate that they've gone elsewhere. I 100% agree with the op but let's not forget, about 10-15% of parents act in the same manner in being less than straightforward.

*renege

Cobra_Kai wrote:*renege

Thank you, I have no clue why I typed it the other way!

I agree totally and have always been honest and upfront with the players that tryout for my teams. Unfortunately, that is not always the case with the Parents. I understand that each parent wants the best for their child, but some simple communication and courtesy would go a long way.

All coaches should be honest with their players. Seven players on July 1st does not make a team. If your DD does not get a contract on the first day of tryouts then the coach is not sold on her yet. At that point she should check out all options available. Playing time is also another big issue - why make a team to sit on the bench when there are other teams where she could get 75% or more playing time.

Usually it comes down to the first three days of Tryouts and goes like this;

Day 1 - I can make any team I tryout for!
Day 2 - I might not make this team
Day 3 - Oh crap!! I need to find a team

Good luck to all the players at tryouts this year! I hope every player finds the best situation and team that meets their needs!

My dd experienced this same scenario this year.
Had a d1 offer early but chose to keep practicing @d2 team...then last week get call from d2 coach-no spot.
Past d1 team is full. D2 coach kept saying the things u want to hear and then boom....now we are scrambling to find a new team. Learn from my mistake if the offer is good take the first one u get....Make the coach commit because if u don't they will string u along....remember they are interested more in what's good for them....not what's good for your kid. Good luck to all scrambling this week...especially with the rain...Ug!

This may not be the exact topic but I wanted to make what I (hope) is a similar point. If you have a team of 9 year old girls playing in a tournament and they make it to the semifinal (5th game in 48 hours)... AND all the girls have played in all the previous 4 games (18 total players showed I believe) it seems strange and somewhat cruel to intentionally not play 3 players.... At all. From my standpoint it's like you chose that game at that tournament to announce to the entire team that these 3 players are not good enough to be here playing. I'm fine with the fact that playing times will vary greatly but if a player or players have no chance of playing tell them the week before, not at the tournament. This event was amazingly embarrassing to my daughter and one of the other 3 players has already quit. To add salt to the wound the coach told them at then end of the game who would not make "silly" substitutions just to be nice. By the way, we lost 2-0. Seems like a flippant, dick move from this coach. I doubt we will be with this team much longer. Hopefully by the time my daughter wakes up tomorrow some of the devastation and embarrassment will have worn off.

HorribleRefsarePeopleToo wrote:This may not be the exact topic but I wanted to make what I (hope) is a similar point.  If you have a team of 9 year old girls playing in a tournament and they make it to the semifinal (5th game in 48 hours)... AND all the girls have played in all the previous 4 games (18 total players showed I believe) it seems strange and somewhat cruel to intentionally not play 3 players.... At all.  From my standpoint it's like you chose that game at that tournament to announce to the entire team that these 3 players are not good enough to be here playing.  I'm fine with the fact that playing times will vary greatly but if a player or players have no chance of playing tell them the week before, not at the tournament.  This event was amazingly embarrassing to my daughter and one of the other 3 players has already quit.  To add salt to the wound the coach told them at then end of the game who would not make "silly" substitutions just to be nice.  By the way, we lost 2-0.  Seems like a flippant, dick move from this coach. I doubt we will be with this team much longer.  Hopefully by the time my daughter wakes up tomorrow some of the devastation and embarrassment will have worn off.

Maybe I am misreading your statement and if so I am sorry, but there is no reason in my opinion to have 18 players on a the roster for U10.

100% disagree, that's what rec soccer is for.

HorribleRefsarePeopleToo wrote:This may not be the exact topic but I wanted to make what I (hope) is a similar point.  If you have a team of 9 year old girls playing in a tournament and they make it to the semifinal (5th game in 48 hours)... AND all the girls have played in all the previous 4 games (18 total players showed I believe) it seems strange and somewhat cruel to intentionally not play 3 players.... At all.  From my standpoint it's like you chose that game at that tournament to announce to the entire team that these 3 players are not good enough to be here playing.  I'm fine with the fact that playing times will vary greatly but if a player or players have no chance of playing tell them the week before, not at the tournament.  This event was amazingly embarrassing to my daughter and one of the other 3 players has already quit.  To add salt to the wound the coach told them at then end of the game who would not make "silly" substitutions just to be nice.  By the way, we lost 2-0.  Seems like a flippant, dick move from this coach. I doubt we will be with this team much longer.  Hopefully by the time my daughter wakes up tomorrow some of the devastation and embarrassment will have worn off.

HorribleRefsarePeopleToo wrote:This may not be the exact topic but I wanted to make what I (hope) is a similar point.  If you have a team of 9 year old girls playing in a tournament and they make it to the semifinal (5th game in 48 hours)... AND all the girls have played in all the previous 4 games (18 total players showed I believe) it seems strange and somewhat cruel to intentionally not play 3 players.... At all.  From my standpoint it's like you chose that game at that tournament to announce to the entire team that these 3 players are not good enough to be here playing.  I'm fine with the fact that playing times will vary greatly but if a player or players have no chance of playing tell them the week before, not at the tournament.  This event was amazingly embarrassing to my daughter and one of the other 3 players has already quit.  To add salt to the wound the coach told them at then end of the game who would not make "silly" substitutions just to be nice.  By the way, we lost 2-0.  Seems like a flippant, dick move from this coach. I doubt we will be with this team much longer.  Hopefully by the time my daughter wakes up tomorrow some of the devastation and embarrassment will have worn off.

18 players for U10 is way to many. If everyone got equal playing time (which wont happen, especially in a semi-final game) that is only 30 min of playing time per player. More likely ~6 girls will get 45-50 minutes and the another 4 will get 35-40 minutes which leaves the other 8 with ~11 min or less of playing time... math doesn't work.

All that being said, 1 game shouldn't shape your decision on what is best for your daughter, what is more important is the quality of the practices and who she is practicing with (Do they challenge her and make her better).

HorribleRefsarePeopleToo wrote:This may not be the exact topic but I wanted to make what I (hope) is a similar point.  If you have a team of 9 year old girls playing in a tournament and they make it to the semifinal (5th game in 48 hours)... AND all the girls have played in all the previous 4 games (18 total players showed I believe) it seems strange and somewhat cruel to intentionally not play 3 players.... At all.  From my standpoint it's like you chose that game at that tournament to announce to the entire team that these 3 players are not good enough to be here playing.  I'm fine with the fact that playing times will vary greatly but if a player or players have no chance of playing tell them the week before, not at the tournament.  This event was amazingly embarrassing to my daughter and one of the other 3 players has already quit.  To add salt to the wound the coach told them at then end of the game who would not make "silly" substitutions just to be nice.  By the way, we lost 2-0.  Seems like a flippant, dick move from this coach. I doubt we will be with this team much longer.  Hopefully by the time my daughter wakes up tomorrow some of the devastation and embarrassment will have worn off.

If you can't tell by watching practice you're dd is 16-18th out of 18 players(way too many for U10 as previously noted).... then you need to take off the 'Lil-Suzie' colored glasses.  You put her in this spot by not seeing the fact she loses all the 50/50's and 1v1's in practice(I would guess).  You, the parent put her in this spot though.  Now be the parent and deal with the consequences.

On the other hand, this most likely was the coaches way to tell those 3 players, its time to move on. Different coaches handle different ways, no way is particularly good to tell a young child they aren't cut out for the team.(but again, you should have seen this coming)

Find her a team she can play on, I agree she needs to play, no matter what level it is.

Okay it is time for the kid to learn that nobody owes you playtime, it should be earned. When you are on the field you should feel "I did this" not mom and dad, or "uncle" coach, or chrity workers. I hope she does feel embarrassed and hopefully angry. Doesn't matter if she player, only matters what her response is this week in practice. FIGHT BACK. take your time and if the other kids are just too good then drop down a level

HorribleRef...

Going to go a slightly different direction here... Before you posted, did you check to see that there was only one U10 girls semifinal in the entire tournament that had a 2-0 score?

So now, you have publicly outed the coach who did this and told everyone that he made a "a dick move", and by identifying your DD as one of the three who sat and saying that one already quit the team, you've given the coach and every parent a 50/50 guess as to who you are. Guessing that the other family is going to be very quick to vehemently deny posting on here.

Should be a fun sideline for you at practice this week...

I assume the parents were already talking about his DD, way before this situation occurred.